Too Young for Sex?
Love letters:
Hello everybody!
As you know we are the friskies and you do also know that one of our topics contains about the right age of having sex and other problems which exist in a relationship between boys and girls.
So we wrote two loveletters. They describe one big problem of which surely everybody heard of or will hear of some day.
Cathy (no real figure) stands closely in front of making a big step in her life...
Dear David!
Perhaps youīre wondering that I write you a letter but I have the feeling that I canīt talk to you about this sensitive topic. I have often tried to speak to you but I was afraid to talk with you about sex when we are looking into each otherīs eyes. So I decided it was better to write a letter.
I have the feeling that you want more than just a few kisses and holding hands. Itīs okay, but I have to say that before we do those things, I need more time. I am not feeling safe at this moment. I think it is a bit too early for me, right now. And furthermore, I think it worries me that I cannot even talk with you about it. I wish I could just look into your eyes and talk openly with you about sex. I have never talked about sex with anyone, I just had some thoughts of what it could be. So I am feeling that it isnīt the right time for us. We know that we love each other but for me it doesnīt mean that I must have sex with you. We have been a couple right just three months for just three months just three months. We still have so much time for doing those things.
In my attitude we should take precautions and get informed. Donīt get me wrong, it is really hard to say no! But I want us to have deep trust in each other. I think that we will have more fun, if we achieve this behavior. You donīt have to prove, in having sex with me, that you love me. I know it!
So please answer me, I am really nervous and a little bit afraid of your opinion.
In love
Cathy
Dear Cathy,
I have to admit that I have been wondering about your letter. You know exactly that we can talk about everything, even about this topic, so I am a little bit hurt. Don't get me wrong, it is okay, now you know it.
Of course I am a boy but that doesn't mean that I am always thinking about sex. I accept that you need more time and more trust in me. I don't want to force you to do something if you aren't ready for it! But I can't tell you now everything that goes through my mind, because I can't write about it in a letter. I need to talk to you directly. Please understand me, expressing these thoughts in a letter is just not the right way for me.
Don't forget:I love you!
Yours David
Well, now you just read our loveletters. What do you think about them. Did you expect the reaction of David and can you indentify with Cathy and her boyfriend?
We would be very happy if you answered us. Perhaps you might continue the story...
CU The Friskies
Hi Erika!
Whatīs up?Thank you for your letter. As we recognize you have read our intros we want to get more information about you. So: How old are you and what are your hobbies? Do you want to discuss with us about one of our topics?
Our teacher told us that your teacher has problems with our topic:"Too young for sex". We are surprised that such an innocent text is considered dangerous to discuss about. We donīt want to express anything dangerous, furthermore we want to show the risks of the fast-growing teens.Itīs necessary to know how to protect yourself and how to take responsibility. What do you think about that?
Or do you have any interesting topics to discuss about?
We are looking forward to your answer.
See you soon,
Sarah,Mieke and Bine.
Hey Guys!
So first off, I am 17. Hobbies? Well, when I have time, I really like to read and write. Right now, I am all about relaxation.
As far as your topic goes, it is an interesting question. There are several problems or concerns about discussing sex. We have some young students in our class- like fourteen. My teacher feels your topic is excellent, but he also feels that it's appropriate for a more mature group of students (like juniors and seniors, like me), and we have some freshmen and sophomores in our class- and of course it wouldn't be right to throw out the topic, and then tell certain students that they only, couldn't write about it. That just gets complicated. In addition, our schools are spread out throughout the country, and some schools (and their communities) are very conservative in their thinking. One of this class's schools, for instance, is where Twain's Huckleberry Finn was first banned. In my school, we still get a notice sent home to parents every time we discuss something of a sexual or controversial nature.
Also, VHS is so new- it's in its fifth year only- and the VHS Administration is still engaged in creating policy about what constitutes appropriate topics for their students to discuss and write about. While there are no rules about writing about sex, my teacher would rather not push the limits of acceptable usage.
So those are some of the reasons why Mr. O is concerned about your topic. I'm sure he as well as I feel that it is important for teenagers to know how to handle situations and how to protect themselves.
Maybe this whole situation shows that your culture is much more open about sexuality. That alone is interesting. Is there another topic which you guys want to discuss? I am open.
Thank you for writing back to me.
Erika
Too Young for Sex?
I don't think that there is the right age to have sex. To my mind it depends on the development of the teenager or sometimes even children. The most important fact is that they are really sure to do it. If they are very young, less than 16 years, they should know, what to do, if they or their girl friend become pregnant. I think at the age of 16 most teenagers can predict which consequences an own child could have. But at that age they aren't obliged to go to school, so there would be the possibility of having a break of one year, if they want to go to school for more than 10 years in general . This won't be a great solution, but if it comes to it, it would be a possibiblity.
But what to do if you are only 12 or 13 years old? You are a child yourself, you aren't competent to be responsible for a child, so you own mother has to care for it or the baby must grow up in another family.
Every doctor would be object to a girl at the age of 12 to have a baby. The second and last possibility would be to have an abortion. To abort an unborn child may make psycological troubles to the 'mother' because in some people's eyes abortion is a murder. Undoubtedly it is nothing what women like. To some it is no problem, but I my opinion everybody thinks about the question what would have been if they had had the baby.
Moreover there can be medical complications, so that this particular person can't be pregnant anymore and this is something you shouldn't risk, only to have early fun. This shouldn't mean that sex at a special age shouldn't be allowed, but the people should know and accept the consequences.
This acceptance is reached by every person at a different age, so you can't generalize which age is the right one.
Aki
Hi Aki !
Thank you for your letter. It was very interesting to get to know your opinion but we donīt really agree with it.
First we want to say that we saw a contradiction in your text. In your first sentence you tell us that you think that there is no right age to have sex for the first time. But later you wrote very often that girls and boys at the age of 16 are able to be responsible for their behavior. Well, thatīs o.k.! It is right.You can (from this age on) begin to make your own decisions and live in your own way of life! But this doesnīt mean that you can (from this moment on) say that for all 16 years-old teenagers, because the teens' minds and bodies develop differently. Your text seemed to us as if you are 16 years old you are able to have sex and get pregnant and get married ...
Stay in reality, we think that your opinion is a bit naive.
The next fact we donīt agree with in your writing is that you donīt get pregnant every time you have sex... so girl, did you never hear about prevention? Thatīs also a good protection against illnesses.
So think about it and write back...
Sarah ,Bine and Mieke
Hi Sarah ,Bine and Mieke!
Haha, I know that you don't get pregnant every time you have sex. But having sex includes the possibility of getting pregnant. The age of 16 I have chosen, because at this age most of the teenagers have developed so far that they can decide for themselves, apart from that I have said that having a child at this age won't be the best way to get independent. Furthermore teenagers at the age of 16 are allowed to live in their own flat and at this age they get the opportunity to take part in political life by the state. If you may take part in elections, you should be able to think about the consequences your behaviour can have. I also said that the development is different from teenager to teenager, so that you can say that a special age is the right one in general. Some people develop so fast that they can have a child very early and on the other hand there are some, where you should say that they better forget having children. Furthermore it seems to me that you never heard about the fact that you can get pregnant, although you have prevented. You certainly heard about the fact that the pill doesn't work while you take other medicine or that there are people who make some mistakes using a condom.
Finally I like to say that I neither want to get pregnant now nor I want to marry, although I'm already 20 years old, because some people like to have a job until they will have a child (in the case that they want to have a child in general ).
Aki
Hey Aki!
Haha, we know for sure about the possibilities of getting pregnant when you have sex. But we think we said it in the last letter...we donīt want to attack you, but your first letter seemed to us a little bit extreme and naive!
You are right...many teenagers at the age of 16 develop fast and act like grown-ups and others should rather continue playing with dolls than thinking of sex and relationships! AND...surely we heard about the fact of getting pregnant even if you have prevented!!! It seems clear to us! For example, we are of the opinion that America is a very conservative and prude country so the children are hardly informed about sexuality, the risks and the consequences. We want to know if you agree with our last sentence. Because we donīt know if it is just an image or rumour about that country. What do you think?
Please write back...
Greetings Bine, Mieke and Sarah
Something I'd like to discuss is ... SEX! How old do we have to be before we can do it? I think we should be at least sixteen. Have you ever had sex? Personally, I don't like girls who are only interested in sex; I prefer them to contribute to an emotional rapport. My favourite type of girl has a good sense of humour and is (why not?) romantic.
Stefano
Hi Stefano!
How are you?
We are Bine, Mieke and Sarah (the friskies at www.mgjever.de)You told that you like sports; and so do we! Mieke has karaté-lessons (she īs really good!)We also like to go swimming as you do and do jogging and so on!
We saw that you also answered about our topic "Too young for sex". So we would be very interested in discussing about this sensitive topic!
First we want to say that we donīt support that the teenager start with things like sex so early! We really don`t!!! Many boys and girls underestimate for example the possible illnesses. But we find it is very important to talk and discuss about it. It is good to talk about the risks and the following disappointments of the young people. We all know that there is always a risk, but when they miss the important information about this topic, many (most young girls) teenagers can get very disappointed or perhaps in the worst consequenses they get sick!
We wrote that some teenagers think that the right age for sex is between 13 and 15 years: Our opinion is that these ages are too young, because at this time the people are still children and have to appreciate their childhood!!
But furthermore we believe that there is no really right age, and sometimes you have to look at the mental maturity.
You said that the average age could be 16 and older! This is more in our opinion.
You asked if we had ever sex. At this moment we do not want to answer this question, but have you ever had sex? (Because you asked!) But you neednīt answer!
So what do you think? Are you of our opinion or have you got a diffent view? We would be very happy if you answered us and told us what you think about our opinion!
Hope that we see you soon!!!
From Bine, Mieke and Sarah
My name is Antonio and I live in a small, quiet city... but I like it here. I want to talk to you about the controversial issue of young people and sex. I think that the right age to have is sex is different for boys and girls. For girls, the correct age is thirteen and for boys fourteen to fifteen. I also believe that the state should have no control over the lives of teenagers because everyone is their own person.
Antonio
Hi Antonio!
How are you?
First we want to mention that the topic " Too young for sex" isnīt the idea of Tiffany but from us!!! We hope that doesn`t matter and you are willing to dicuss with us, too.
You think that the right age to have sex is about thirteen to sixteen? We believe itīs partly the disappointing truth but we think, normally, itīs too early!
Why do you make a difference of age of boys and girls?
From the looks itīs easy to see that girls are growing faster and look older than they are and than the boys look. But from the mind they are nearly the same.
We think that there is a contradiction between the girls' mind and their behaviour. On the one hand they seem and think sensible. But on the other hand they have sex earlier. What do you think about this conflict?
We also believe that people like Britney Spears are lying but we do not believe that it is wrong to preach such an innocent way of life. The younger girls do believe in what her idol Britney says and so she protects the children in a kind of way!
Or what do you think???
We hope youīll write soon,
Mieke,Sarah and Bine
Hey Guys!
I did like your essay, and I wanted to write back to try to answer your questions. I'm 17 and about to graduate... now you know about me.
It is true that in general, Americans aren't as open about sex as Europeans. Which is funny, because so much of American culture and advertising and stuff implies sex or talks about sex, but people are afraid to address it openly. Like in school, we have special "sex education" classes until 8th grade, and they teach you about pregnancy and AIDS and stuff, but they don't teach you much about actual sex, and they don?t teach you about contraception or anything like that.
Anyway! I think that as far as boys introducing themselves to the girls' parents before a date, that varies a lot. Some parents are very strict about dating. My parents didn't want me to date until I was in college, but my brother convinced them that they should let me date so that I wouldn't be stupid about such things when I moved out and went to college. He said that dating in high school would prevent me from making a lot of mistakes. I think this is true. Some people I know think that dating in high school shouldn't be allowed, and some of my friends aren't allowed to date boys their parents don't know. A lot of these people are very strictly religious. I don't know if you know what Mormonism is, but it's a religion that's pretty common around the Southwest, where I live, since it started in Utah. But Mormons aren't allowed to date until they are sixteen, and they are only allowed to date members of their church. A lot of them aren't supposed to have friends outside their church either. Personally, I don't go to church, and I think that this kind of thing is stupid. But not all parents are this strict. Many parents let their kids date when they turn 14 or 15, and it doesn't matter if they know who their kid is dating or not. It's funny, because my parents are strict with me, and they don't like it when I kiss boys or do stuff like that, but they say I can date. But my boyfriend's parents don't care if we lay around his room with the door shut, or wrestle, or kiss, or whatever. They leave us alone in the house sometimes.
I think it's funny that so many of my friend's parents are very strict and protective about their kids, and that the schools are afraid to teach us about sex and contraception because our state legislature thinks that that will make kids go out and have sex. My state has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in the country, and I think that it's because they don't teach kids about sex. Accidents are a lot more likely to happen if you don't know what you're doing.
My parents will tell me if they don't like my friend, but usually I don't pay much attention to what they think. I figure that I know my friend a lot better than they do. But sometimes they'll try to keep me from spending time with friends they don't like. I hate this, because it makes it hard for me to be friends with someone if I say "I can't go out with you tonight because my parents don't like you." You see what I mean? As I've gotten older, my parents don't have much say in what I do anymore. But when I was younger it was a big problem.
I hope you found what I had to say interesting. Write back, if you want!
Natalie
Thank you for writing back and answering our questions.
We agree totally with your opinions! We are very surprised that there are so many Mormon families who live according to those strict ways because here in Germany Mormonism (--> poligamy) is illegal! Is it a kind of sect (religious group?) or is it legal in the United States?
What do you think of this kind of people?
We find it very cool of your brother that he has convinced your parents that you are allowed to date boys that early because we are also of the opinion that you`ll make more mistakes (in sexuality or only in dating) if you donīt know anything about boys and their "strange" behavior ;) But we also think that the girls should introduce the boys they date to their parents, at the latest when they realize that they are really in love with them.
Sorry that our text is not as long as yours but you donīt give us any topics to discuss (and attack your opinions :) ) because we totally agree with you!Write back, if you like. We would be glad...
Greetings to your parents and your cool brother,
Bine, Sarah and Mieke
... All right, so as long as I'm sort of complaining about insignificant things, there's one thing that annoys me about this class. I dislike the fact that controversial subjects like sex and suicide are off limits. I mean, these are relevant issues to teenagers that people hardly ever talk about, frankly for fear of upsetting people.
Suicide, especially. It's rare that you find any teenager who's never contemplated it at least once, even in passing. I know people with scars on wrists, and my freshman year there was a girl who succeeded at my school. But rather than address the subject, everyone tried to hush it up- even the newspaper didn't say anything about it. I read a lot of novels where morgues list suicides as accidents, so that the people will be buried in the church cemeteries. Does that happen really often in real life? I don't know.
As for sex, I'm sure we all have our opinions about it, and I think it's just as valid a topic as love. It could be enlightening to read and write essays about such things that aren't normally discussed. You know why there's so much teen pregnancy? Because no one talks about it after middle school. There was this girl in my dance class my freshman year who didn't even know sex was how you got pregnant until she got pregnant, and she was 16!
I think it's wrong that New York's school district got in trouble for promoting condom distribution. Here's the thing I hate the most about human nature: People think that by ignoring something, it will magically disappear. Or that if you allow something, you're condoning it and saying it's good. In some cases, that's true. But in cases like condom distribution and abortion, you're not condoning it, but rather you're acknowledging that people will do what they will do, and it's better if you provide them a safe way to do it rather than leaving them to their own devices. Better condoms than pregnancy, better legal abortions than coat hangers. But the whole philosophy of "ignore something and it disappears" is sort of what allowed the Nazis to kill over six million Jews, and it's what allows us to spend $40 on Gap jeans while 12-year-old illiterate girls in Thailand are working 18 hour days making them and barely living off of their 50 cents a day.
Okay, enough rhetoric from me. The bell just rang anyway.
Natalie, March 18, 2002
Hi Natalie!
Wow, what a long text!! We are very impressed. Be certain that we wonīt write such a long mail because we agree with most things youīve written. And so we do not have many things left to say.
We want to know: Do you really know all the people you mentioned in your text?
We also know some stories about people who committed suicide or got pregnant "as a child".
We think itīs very ignorant and irresponbsible not to talk about such important things like sex, illnesses and prevention and we donīt understand why you Americans have such problems to handle these topics because in reality everybody knows that these are normal things and itīs important to talk about them.
In Germany there are sometimes events at schools or at youthclubs especially about how to handle condoms and show the boys how the women feel during their pregnancy.
We wish that it would be like that in every country...
write back, if you are interested,
cu Bine, Sarah and Mieke
